Let me just preface this entire thing by saying I am not trying to insult your team. I have no doubt that every man in the NFL is committed fully to their team and their job, and could probably beat the tar out of me... Except maybe for those kickers. I am just going off of how I perceive them based on their personnel, on-field succes, and off-field hi-jinks.
I will break the comparisons down by division, and will start with the home of my Redskins, the NFC East.
- Dallas Cowboys: Ryback
Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are always telling us about how much of a threat Ryback is. They insist that he is a main event player. They compare him to other monsters from the past, like Goldberg and Batista. ESPN et al tells us every season that the Dallas Cowboys are a threat to win the Super Bowl, just like the 1990s. Tony Romo is super talented. They have all those receivers and DeMarcus Ware, who wants to feed on more QBS. Surely, both Ryback and the Cowboys are the real deal, right? Well... no. When the time comes, and its the biggest matches of the year, Ryback folds. He went on a massive PPV losing streak, and can't be considered a top guy. The Cowboys have won exactly 1 playoff game this millennium. Frankly, we don't believe they are real title threats anymore.
- New York Giants: The Undertaker
Consider the Giants the opposite of the Dallas Rybacks. Much like The Undertaker, the Giants aren't always around. Sometimes, they miss the playoffs, much like Undertaker misses all of the year's PPVs. However, when they are at the biggest stage of all, they do not lose. The Phenom's WrestleMania undefeated streak now stands at 21-0, with extremely memorable wins over the best that the business has to offer. The past two trips to the Super Bowl for Eli and company, they have come home with that Lombardi Trophy in extremely entertaining games against the Dynasty that is the Patriots.
- Washington Redskins: The Miz
I had a lot of trouble with this one. After all, saying that my team is The Miz could be an insult, cause there are a ton of WWE fans that don't like him. But hear me out. Miz has the talent. We know this. He has been in some great matches. He is a former champ. That's just like the Skins. They have always had talent, even when it was old or under-performing. And no one can take away the fact that the franchise was, at a time, a dominating champion. Miz is the "Most Must-See" superstar. How often do you see RG3 on your TV each commercial break? A lot. Finally, while Miz is not at the top of the ladder right now, he could be if he could just avoid those damn injuries! Needless to say, that is perfect for the Skins. Just think of the list of hurt players the Skins had last year and early this year: Orakpo, RG3, Garcon, and JFLANland favorite twitter follower/ avid WWE fan Adam Carriker. If they weren't constantly bit by that injury bug, they could be something special. I haven't given up hope for either The Miz or my Skins yet.
- Philadelphia Eagles: 3MB
I don't say this just to insinuate that the Eagles are some kind of joke, a low/mid-card act that is really there just to get the top guys over in various squash matches... Although, I don't think the Eagles will do much of anything this season. No, I am picking 3MB because no one really knows what these three wrestlers (Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre and Heath Slater) are doing together, and why they are pretending to be a band. Think of the Eagles QB situation as the 3MB of the WWE. Mike Vick is McIntyre. At one time, he was considered "The Chosen One", and the new face of his business before he actually did anything. Then, following some injuries, some mistakes (Vick's worse than McIntyre's I'm sure), and inconsistent performance, he dropped. Nick Foles is Slater. You know there is some talent there somewhere, even if it isn't Hall of Fame stuff, but you are pretty sure he is in the wrong spot to let what he has actually flourish. Matt Barkley is Jinder Mahal, the 3rd banana who should get a push if there weren't concerns over using him as a stereotype (Mahal being the feared foreigner from India, Barkley the feared USC QB failure as a pro). By midseason, Philly fans will be screaming for Barkley, just like how "Don't Hinder Jinder" is becoming a movement. No direction, no reason for them all being there, and no threat to the top stars. The Eagles are 3MB. And seriously, why the hell are they a "band"? They don't have instruments!
Part 2: NFC North, coming soon!
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