Some Thoughts on the NBA Finals

Why hello there, true believers (Sorry Stan Lee, I had to steal that at least once). As you may know, the NBA Finals took place over the past 8 weeks. Ok, it wasn't that long, but it certainly seemed that way. Luckily, they were fun to watch, and the team that all of America was rooting for won. Anyway, I just wanted to share some thoughts on the series, the players, the coaches, the fans (I apologies in advance, Kevin Belt) and a quick look forward at the NBA going into next season... or the 2012-2013 season. Whichever comes first. Enjoy!

- I am thrilled for Dirk. He is fun to watch. A big, goofy looking German guy who shoots the lights out from 3, has the most polished mid-range game in the NBA, and can play with his back to the basket? Sounds like a blast. He needed this title after the collapse in 2006. He improved his own game, made a commitment to his team, and got the job done. A true Champion, the best European player ever in the NBA, and arguably one of the 25 best to ever play the game.

- For the 2nd time in recent history, an underdog team that played as one single unit beat a group of superstars. The last time, it was the Pistons beating the already-champion Lakers. This time, it is the Mavs beating the "without Wade, none of you have won anything at all" Heat. Similarities, other than their cohesiveness? They both had former Wizards. The Pistons had Rasheed Wallace, Rip Hamilton (DAMN YOU MICHAEL JORDAN FOR TRADING HIM FOR STUPID JERRY STACKHOUSE!), and Ben Wallace (traded for Bo Outlaw...). The Mavs had DeShawn "Soulja Boy" Stevenson, Brendon Haywood and the injured Caron Butler. I liked seeing the former Wizards win. Gave me another reason to root against the Heat. After the game, the three got together and chanted "Worst to First" as they celebrated. Thanks for reminding us... Also, if you want a title, just play for us for a bit then leave. Works wonders...

- Count me as a member of the Mark Cuban fan club. I love that man. He speaks his mind, knows his business, is amazingly entertaining, and is now a Champion. He also said "Shit" on Sportscenter, made fun of the Big 3 by saying Dirk took less cash so the Mavs could sign Jan Mahinmi and Brian Cardinel, and let the founding owner of the Mavericks accept the championship trophy. Thumbs up all around.

- Jason Terry, JJ Barrea and Jason Kidd = a championship backcourt. Who knew.

- In a footnote to his column on the finals, Bill Simmons makes a case for Shawn Marion being considered one of the 100 All Time best to play the game. I haven't researched it enough to make a decision, but doesn't that just seem weird to you. Anyway, congrats to The Matrix.

- How did the Mavericks stifle the Heat? How did they keep the Heat cold? Zone defense. Not just for college anymore. One has to wonder... If LeBron had gone to college and experienced, say, the Boeheim 2-3 zone, would he have known how to crack it better? I think so. Stay in school kids.

- The fans in Miami... Normally, I only rip on the Braves for not selling out World Series games. I just figure that everyone else, if they were in the Finals, would be able to pack their arena/stadium/park with rabid fans... But there were at least 4,000 Mavericks fans in an arena that seats 19,600. That is over 20% Mavs fans. What... The... Hell. Protect your house. It is bad enough that you never go to baseball games for a team that has won 2 titles in less than 20 years, but this was the NBA Finals. Did you just assume Game 7 was going to happen? Did you have somewhere else important to be on a Sunday night in mid-June? You don't sell your tickets to Mavericks fans! Your team is in the Finals! Go root for them! Mark Cuban was completely right- The Mavs fans punked the shit out of the Heat fans in Game 6.

- Coach Spo: Fired? Maybe. I say give him one more season, unless LeBron and Wade both say he has to go. Then, well, he has to go.

- Wade is a horse. He was going great until he tweaked his hip in Game 5. Just wasn't the same guy in Game 6. I don't blame him for the loss though. I don't blame Bosh either. Sure, he isn't the dominant inside presence, but he never has been. He is a finesse 4, not a power 5. So he is fine too. Even Mario Chalmers played well. The rest of the Heat? Not so much. Their bench was destroyed by the Mavs when it mattered most. But really, who gets blamed? LeBron!

- LeBron James came up small. Like, minute. Miniscule. A tiny iota of a clutch player in the Finals. Who is to blame? I like one of Simmons' arguments from his earlier post. LeBron has never been yelled at before. Like, who was the last guy to tell the next Great One that he had to shape up and fly right? Wade did it in this series. He yelled at him for 8 seconds straight, in front of everyone. That broke LeBron's spirit. He became a kid again, not knowing what to say. He shut down. Read Simmons' article for this part especially. It is true. All facts.

- Now, why is everyone happy that LeBron lost. Well, there are a few factors. First, it is because he broke Cleveland's heart on National TV and hasn't felt any remorse. Was it a business decision? Sure. But Melo got out of Denver and then thanked everyone in the city for helping him grow up and become a man. He didn't have a big special after the trade was finalized to announce to whom he waived his no-trade clause. He just went. LeBron made himself bigger than the game, and the city that made it possible, as Stephen Colbert said, for him to get paid millions for bouncing an inflatable ball.

Second, it is because he went to team up with his friends and try to own the NBA. That isn't fun. Super groups might be nice in music, or comic books, but in sports we want competition. Dynasties become more hated than beloved, and everyone expected the Heat to become one, so the hate came early and often.

Third, it is because of the crab dribble. That is a travel, Bron bron. Stop complaining.

Fourth, it is because you still don't understand the fans of America. Your post game comments were horrendous. Word for word, here is what the clueless king said:

“At the end of the day, all the people that were rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day, they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They have the same personal problems they had today. They can get a few days or a few months or whatever the case may be on being happy about not only myself, but the Miami Heat not accomplishing their goal. But they have to get back to the real world at some point."

Super, LeBron. Just super. You are a billionaire athlete, and you can't find it within yourself to ignore what the common man says about you. Instead, you actively remind them that they have to deal with real troubles, like the economy, putting food on their tables, providing for their families, and so forth. That's a great way to win over people. Belittling people always brings fans. You have no idea what the real world is like at all. You have been surrounded by enablers and yes men since you were 14. You are a pompous ass, no two ways around it. You have bragged and boasted about being great, and winning "not 4, not 5, not 6, not 7" titles, then you come out there in your designer suit, with your pocket square, after choking in the NBA Finals, and tell the average Joe watching at home that he isn't allowed to take any comfort in watching you go down, and really he is a sad, pathetic person with no impact on society because he isn't a 6'8 basketball playing billionaire. And you wonder why people hate you.

Furthermore, I have never heard a member of a team sport say the word "I" so much in a press conference. Wade talked about the failures of the team. Bosh said that the Mavericks were a better team, played as a team, and wanted it more as a team. What does Brony boy say? I will be back. I will be a champion. I did not choke. You want to watch me fail? I am a billionaire, and I am better than you. Again, you wonder why people hate you.

And finally, there was that peach of a post-game tweet:

"The Greater Man upstairs knows when it's my time. Right now isn't the time."

Oh, ok, that explains it all. God didn't want the Heat to win. That is why you averaged 3 points in the 4th Quarter all series. It is because the Holy Spirit descended down from Heaven, sat on the rim and knocked the ball away. That is why you played hot potato with the ball in the 4th, passing it off to everyone else, even when guarded by the 5'9 JJ Barrea. It isn't because you choked, it is because it wasn't in God's divine plan. Well, LeBron, I have a feeling that, if there is a big invisible man in the sky, he probably has more important things to worry about then you almost missing the backboard with a 15-foot jumper.

What kind of crazy cop-out excuse is that. Own up to how you played. You sucked. You were awful. LeBum, LeBrick. Not the chosen one, the choking one. If you accepted all the blame, then we wouldn't care. We might even like you more for it. You could take it, like Magic Johnson did in 1984 following his Tragic Magic labeling (even though he already had a ring) and have it drive you all summer to become a better player. Learn a post move. Work on your outside shot. Learn how to play without the ball so you and Wade can mesh together. You know, what Magic did following a loss. What Dirk did following a loss. What real champions do following a loss. But instead, you will probably be hanging out in your mansion, not worried about the NBA lockout cause, as you reminded all of us, you are better than us and don't give the real world the time of day. You will design a new shoe, do some commercials, and just hang out with your boys. And they will tell you everything is fine. So will your mother. And your agent. And Nike. All the while, Kevin Durant will be in the gym. So will D-Rose. Kobe too. And Dwight. And John Wall. And Melo. And Paul Pierce. Wade and Bosh will be there waiting for you. But you won't show up because it isn't your fault. You didn't choke. It was God's will. Your time will come. Just sit back and relax, and pretty soon you will show those commoners why you are King James... And you wonder why we smile that you lost. Why, for one series, everyone outside of Miami became Mavericks fans. You wonder why we hate you? That's why, LeBron.