A Solutions-Oriented Post About the Name of DC's NFL Team

The other day, ESPN panelist and new Washington Post contributor Kevin Blackistone wrote a piece about the Washington Redskins.  It was much of the same sound arguments opponents of the team's nickname have had for years, though I was rather disappointed that Mr. Blackistone made little to no mention of the Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks and their fans, some of whom decided going red-face with headdresses was a good way to celebrate at their parade, but I digress.  We all know the arguments against the team's name.  They are solid arguments, and they are mostly correct.  The name does need to change.  But I am not here today to discuss those arguments.  I am instead here, in a solutions-oriented manner, to tell you why another name is infinitely better in every way anyway.  It is an alternative that has been a round for a couple of years, ever since the Washington City Paper decided to use it.

That's right- The Washington Pigskins!

So, what follows is my list of ten reasons why this name is so much better than the Redskins anyway.  Hope you enjoy, and then join the movement.

- It's not racist.  That's pretty much self-explanatory.  Plus, the change would mean more attention would be paid to the team and not the name, which could force the powers that be to put a good product on the field.

- It is football-relevant.  The first footballs were made from pigs' bladders and then covered in leather.  See? Football!

- It has team history.  The Hogs were the offensive linemen that helped Washington win 3 Super Bowls between 1982-1992.  They were local celebrities.  Grown men were willing to put on dresses, sunhats and snouts and go to games as the Hogettes. If there was ever a fan tradition that needs to live on, its the Hogettes.

- The team still can be called the Skins.  I don't know about you, but I almost never call the Redskins "The Redskins".  I call them the Skins.  Everyone I know calls them the Skins.  This way, you get to keep that nickname, and lose the whole racism part.

- It fits the song "Hail to the Redskins".  "Hail to the Pigskins! Hail Victory! Hogs on the Warpath! Fight for Old DC!"  See?

- Pigs are actually terrifying creatures.  Yes, we all think of Babe or Charlotte's Web whenever we think of pigs.  But they can be voracious and mean.  As any fan of the film Snatch can tell you, a group of hungry pigs can eat a 200 pound man in about 8 minutes.



I don't know about you, but the idea fo being chased and eaten by angry hogs is rather frightening to me.  Surely its scarier than any of the bird mascots in the NFL.  What the hell can a Cardinal really do to you anyway?

- Snyder could make more money with new merchandise.  This one isn't as much about the fans as it is for team business.  You change the name and the logo, you can sell a ton of new gear.  The DC fan base is loyal to a fault.  Hell, we've supported this franchise for the past 23 years since they won a Super Bowl, and they have usually been a laughingstock.  They will certainly buy new uniforms, new hoodies, new shirts, new everything.  Give us more things to buy!  We want to show our fandom!

- Snyder can make more money by selling old jerseys as throwbacks when the team wears them ones game a year.  The only thing we like more than new merchandise is throwback merchandise.  I own a John Riggins jersey.  He retired a few months before I was born.  It not only hearkens back to a time when Washington was successful, but gives the fan a feeling of nostalgia.  We'll certainly spend our money for that comfortable feeling.

- We could have a lovable mascot!  The Skins do not have a big foam-headed mascot, for good reason.  However, the kids love mascots!  Look at the rest of DC sports.  GeeWiz, Talon, Slapshot, Screech, and the Racing Presidents!  We have great mascots.  The teams sell stuffed versions of these mascots.  A funny-looking hog decked out in burgundy and gold would be an instant must-buy for any die hard Skins fan with a little one at home.

And, what might be the absolute best (non-race related) reason to change the name to the Pigskins,

- It would piss off Jerry Jones royally.  Jerry Jones, owner/GM/President/Emperor of the Dallas Cowboys is a proud graduate of the University of Arkansas.  Arkansas, for those that don't know, has the nickname "The Razorbacks".  Their symbol is a wild hog.  Their mascot is a hog.  Their whole world is about hogs and pigs.  Imagine how steamed Jerry would be if his franchise's biggest rival changes their team name to the same as his alma mater.  He would be so angry, he may go and build another billion dollar stadium to re-inflate his ego.  Anything to annoy the rival owner is reason enough to change the nickname and mascot.


I hope I have been able to convince you that there are reasons aside from the obvious to change the name of the Washington, DC football team.  It is the right thing to do socially, of course, but it is also the right thing to do because Pigskins is just a better name.  It is better for marketing, for mascots, for sales, for football-relevance, and for annoying the Cowboys.  I don't think it gets any better than that.  I can see the headlines now if the Pigskins ever win the Super Bowl again- "HOG WILD!"  "THAT'S SOME PIG!" It'd be wonderful.  I think its time for a change to the Pigskins.  Embrace it, DC.  Another headline, if the team squeaks out a tough win?

"That'll do, Pigskins.  That'll do."