The NFL vs The WWE- Part VII- NFC South

Almost done:

- Atlanta Falcons: Kofi Kingston. Young, talented, gotten into some good feuds, but still a mid-card performer. Sure, the Falcons had a great season. They got a bye and hosted a playoff game. They also got their tailfeathers handed to them by the big boy Green Bay Packers. Much like Kofi isn't ready for the spotlight, neither are the Falcons. And no, this has nothing to do with me hating Matt Ryan...

- New Orleans Saints: Rey Mysterio Jr. They might not have the most talent. They aren't the biggest. But they have the biggest heart, and everyone roots for them. That defines Rey and America's real team, the Saints. I am sure even Colts fans were a bit happy that the Saints won the Super Bowl last year. How could you not be. They helped bring some hope back to a city that was destroyed by hurricanes and floods, and still has yet to recover. Drew Brees showed that the Saints were the little team that could topple Giants, just like Rey has done his entire career. Can you name another little guy that was so impressive that Vince actually gave him the title? I can't.



- Tampa Bay Buccaneers: John Morrison. A superstar that needs to be given a huge push because he is the most talented athlete on the entire WWE Roster right now. That is about what I feel about the Buccaneers. They are very young but might have the most talent of any team in the NFL. Mike Williams was a steal and should have gotten Rookie of the Year votes. Josh Freeman is the best QB from his draft class, even over Sanchize. and LeGarrette Blount went from being a jackass at Oregon to one of the best young running backs in the NFL. I mean, what is more impressive- Blount hurdling linebackers on his way to a 50-yard gain, or Morrison's awesome backflip-Rock Bottom thing (needs to be used more. It is the best finisher I have seen in a while. Certainly better than Starship Pain). I expect big things from both of them in the next few years.



- Carolina Panthers: Gillberg. Yeah... the Panthers are just plain bad. They can't beat anyone. They have no QB, WRs, injured RBs, a new coach, holes on their defense. Just like Gillberg, they are a joke. A cheap imitation of a real NFL team. Lucky for them, they get the #1 pick in this year's draft. Could that player be the new face of their franchise? Could he turn the Panthers from Gillberg to Goldberg? We'll see.

The NFL vs the WWE- Part VI- NFC North

Keep on trucking to the NFC North:

- Chicago Bears: The Great Khali. Won a title. Huge, intimidating presence. Never really does much, even when given a good chance. That sums up the Punjabi Giant and the Monsters of the MidWay. To his credit, Khali (real name Dalip Singh), probably doesn't care at all. He seems like a pretty fun-loving guy, and is a movie star, appearing in Bollywood films, the remake of The Longest Yard, and is best known for being the giant assassin in Get Smart. Sometimes it seems like the Bears don't care that much too, or that they really don't want to win when they have superior talent. It is a shame for those in Chicago, but no one will take you seriously as a title threat any time soon.

- Green Bay Packers: John Cena. THE CHAMP IS HERE! True, Cena is not the Champ right now, but he will be in a few weeks as Wrestlemania, so it counts. The Packers are the best in the business and Aaron Rodgers is one of the new faces of the NFL. The Pack go out there and do it, week in and week out, for their loyal fans. Cena, whether you like him or hate him, does exactly the same, and loves every minute of him. That is why he is the top guy in the business right now. That is why the Pack are #1.



- Detroit Lions: The Corre. Much like The Nexus, they are a bunch of young guys who have yet to fulfill their potential. They are not as controversial, we could see ourselves rooting for them if it came to it, but right now they are kind of an afterthought. The Lions aren't there yet, but seem to make strides towards getting better each week. The odds are good both will be main eventing in the near future.

- Minnesota Vikings: Chris Jericho. A great team, a great wrestler. Just lacking direction right now. Sure, they want to be a great team, but they tried following an old man back to the playoffs, and it just didn't work. Now, they are Favre-less and QB-less. Jericho doesn't have any particular direction either. He has done it all in the wrestling business, has a somewhat successful rock band called Fozzy, hosts TV shows and award shows, has a new book coming out, and is on the next season of Dancing with the Stars. We are sure that where ever Jericho or the Vikings go, they will do well, we just have no idea where they are going.

The NFL vs The WWE- Part V- NFC East

Now we move on to the NFC East. I know, some of you have no idea what I am talking about in these posts, but a few people do, so I will keep going. This division is near and dear to my heart, so here it goes:

- Philadelphia Eagles: The Nexus. Certainly a force to be reckoned with, but has yet to claim the top prize. Got so desperate that they kicked out their strong leader that made them what they were for a charismatic and controversial younger star, returning from exile... The Nexus did it with CM Punk, kicking Wade Barrett out. The Super Bowl-less Eagles did it with Michael Vick, kicking my boy Donovan McNabb out. It is a fit. Still, no one knows how this team will do, but they are throwing all their faith behind their new leader, just like the young stars of the Nexus.

- New York Giants: Kane. The younger brother of the dominant Undertaker, who has won a title too, but everyone seems to forget it. When he is on, he is the best in the business. When he is off, it is almost painful to watch. Sounds just like Eli Manning to me. He is always overshadowed by big brother Peyton, even though they are tied with Super Bowl wins. The Giants have games where they look like world-beaters, then follow it up with dismal and disappointing performances. They are still intimidating, but are inconsistent. And no matter what, Eli will be compared to Peyton, just like in the picture below, Kane (on the left) can't escape being compared to his brother (right).



- Dallas Cowboys: Ted Dibiase (Sr. and Jr.): Doesn't the Million Dollar Man make sense for a team run by Jerry Jones. Nothing is out of reach, and everybody's got a price. Ted Dibiase Sr dominated the 1980s and 1990s as the Million Dollar Man, much like the Cowboys dominated the early 1990s and much of the NFL throughout history. However, this new verison, while loaded with potential and talent, just can't seem to get the job done. Ted Dibiase Jr hasn't gotten the job done either. He has great wrestling ability, but no character development at all. Can't rely on either to live up to the legacy of what came before.

- Washington Redskins: The Ultimate Warrior. Dominated in the past. Was fun to watch, tough as hell, and could beat anyone at any time. That was the Ultimate Warrior, and that was the Redskins of the 80s and early 90s. Then it all went to hell. Warrior got in disputes over money and left wrestling, become a super-conservative nutjob who pisses people off with everything he says. The Redskins were taken over by a nutjob who only cares about money and pisses people off with everything he says. Either way, neither Warrior nor the Redskins look to regain their once-great status any time soon. Warrior, however, was as tan as Mike Shanahan.

The NFL vs The WWE- Part IV- AFC West

Wrapping up the AFC with the West:

- Kansas City Chiefs: Daniel Bryan. Not a big name, but a ton of talent. Young team, young performer. Won the AFC West, won the US Title. Both show promise. If Matt Cassell can go from obscurity to a playoff starter and possible future champion, what is to say that Bryan can't go from the Indy wrestling federations all the way to the big time? It could happen.

- San Diego Chargers: Mark Henry. Tons of physical ability and constantly under-performing. Mark Henry was once (legitimately) the World's Strongest Man, and competed in the Olympics twice. The Chargers have tons of physical talent, and put up amazing offensive and defensive numbers. It is just that, come crunch time, neither one follows through. Henry has only held two championships in his career, and the Chargers were destroyed in their one Super Bowl appearance. The promise has always been there, but not the finish. At least for the Chargers sake, their players are young. Henry's career is on the downslope, but he still comes out every week to entertain.



- Oakland Raiders- The Big Show. Known as Captain Insaneo to fans of The Waterboy, this man is a giant. 7'0, 450+ lbs. Agile for his size, strong as a bull, extremely powerful. All the measurable skills that Al Davis would fall in love with. He is a perfect fit. He was a dominant force when he broke into wrestling in the 1990s, billed as the next Andre the Giant (luckily for Show, he doesn't suffer from Gigantism like Andre. He is just very big). The Raiders won three Super Bowls in the late 70s and early 80s. Since then, they just haven't been the same. Show has his moments, but hasn't won the title in some time. The Raiders got back to the Super Bowl, but lost to the Buccaneers in 2003. They are starting to turn the corner now, and Big Show is still intimidating his opponents with his size and strength.



- Denver Broncos- CM Punk. Again, another team that has won in the past. Two titles under John Elway. Now, they are looking for a new leader, and might have one in Tim Tebow. CM Punk has won his titles, and is now leading the Nexus, preaching faith in him. Tebow might be nicer than the Straight-Edge Superstar, but both are natural leaders that command the respect of their followers. Just not sure if they will be led back to the championship, or deeper into obscurity.

The NFL vs The WWE- Part III- AFC South

AFC South:

- Indianapolis Colts: The Undertaker. They have been very good for a very long time. Peyton Manning is one of the best ever. The Undertaker is one of the best ever. You would think they would have both been dominant and have more championships than anyone, right? Well, it hasn't happened. Peyton only has one thanks to Tom Brady and Big Ben, and Undertaker is still behind HHH, The Rock, Stone Cold, Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, HBK and a few others. Still, they are both dominant forces with amazing legacies. And I think Peyton has used some supernatural forces to not get hurt over all these years.



- Jacksonville Jaguars: The British Bulldog/ D.H. Smith. The British Bulldog was a solid wrestler when he was alive. The thing is, he never made it over the top. He just couldn't seem to find his way past the elite of the WWE. The same can be said of the Jaguars. They can't seem to get by the Colts, even when they are at their best. They will always be that #2 guy. Now D.H Smith, his son, is in the business and is a stud. Big young guy, but still unsure of his personality. Again, the Jags. They are rebuilding on the back of a workhouse runner in Mo-Jo Drew. The question for both is- do they have enough to make it to a championship?

- Houston Texans: Evan Bourne. Fun to watch. Exciting. High-octane. High-flying. Hasn't won anything, but everyone in the business likes where they are going, even if they haven't fully lived up to the hype yet. A perfect match.

- Tennessee Titans: Christian. Moments of glory in the past. IC titles, AFC title. Shots at being the guy, but just never worked out. Consistently OK, the perfect mid-card performer with some attitude. That sums up the Titans and Christian. Of course, Tennessee is going through some serious rebuilding right now, and Christian just came back from tearing his bicep (yes, he actually tore his bicep, wrestlers do get actual injuries). We aren't sure what will come of the two in the next year.

The NFL vs The WWE- Part II- AFC North

On to Part II- The AFC North:

- Pittsburgh Steelers- Edge. Established champions on every level and for a long time. Talk a lot, have a ton of fire and passion, and back it up. Is just as happy if you boo or cheer. A perfect fit for the Steelers. They are just as confident, cocky, decorated and dangerous as the current World Champion. Sure, Clay Matthews helped Edge out on TV. His personality is still more like Pittsburgh. Oh, and let's not forget his nickname- "The Rated- R Superstar". Sounds like something that could apply to Big Ben also?

- Baltimore Ravens- Randy Orton. Again, a proven champion, and always a consistent and real threat. The only problem is that sometimes winning takes a back seat for a second. Instead, they are concerned with retribution and hurting people. Randy Orton is always looking for a chance to punt someone in the head or deliver his RKO finisher. The Ravens hit harder than any team, even if it means drawing penalties.

- Cleveland Browns- Hornswoggle. Yes, I think the Browns are the most like a leprechaun. Why not? They are lovable jobbers that pull out an occasional upset. Sounds just like the little guy to me. Not competing on the same level as the Ravens or Steelers at this point, but somehow finds a way to win some games and endear themselves to the fans. Cleveland loves the Browns no matter what. The WWE Universe loves Hornswoggle.



- Cincinnati Bengals- Doink the Clown. Pretty self-explanatory. They are jokes. Clowns. We talk about them more for their crazy off the field issues and antics than we do about their football. Ochocinco and TO were just as fun as Doink and his sidekick Dink. They played just as well too, and the Bungles had another terrible season.

The NFL vs the WWE- Part I - AFC East

So, after the Super Bowl, some NFL players found their way onto televised professional wrestling. First, it was champion linebacker Clay Matthews on WWE Smackdown. Now, it is Bart Scott on TNA Impact. Well, being a fan of both football and wrestling (a guilty pleasure, deal with it), I decided to combine the two. Here now is Part I of my NFL/WWE comparison. Each team gets a wrestle, stable or organization that best suits their personality, character or history. We will start with the AFC:

AFC EAST

- New England Patriots: HHH. The Game. The Cerebral Assassin. One of the best at what he does. This is a perfect fit for the Pats. If any coach could be called the Cerebral Assassin, it would have to be Bill Belichick. Tom Brady has won rings just like HHH was won titles. Both have been gone recently- New England not making it back to the Super Bowl after losing to the Giants, and HHH out with injuries, filming a movie, raising a family and becoming more involved back stage. But they are always a threat for a comeback, because they are some of the best ever.

- New York Jets: TNA Wrestling. It is good when there is competition. It makes the entire business better. So it is good for the WWE that TNA Wrestling exists. It is good for the NFL when the Jets are good. The same things can be said of TNA and the Jets- They try to put on a competitive product. They can have exciting moments combining young up-and-comers with some stars from the past that other organizations would call washed up. They can talk with the best of them and promise victory over their rivals and ultimate glory. There is just one problem: In the end, they can't back up the talk. They trip up. They place the bar too high. They try to play the same game as the big boys, and just can't do it. The Jets talk a ton, but have won nothing. TNA openly bashes WWE, and gets smoked in the ratings and PPV buy-rates. It is only a matter of time before they flame out or fold.

- Miami Dolphins: Mr. Perfect/Michael McGillicutty. Mr. Perfect was a great wrestler and claimed to be perfect at everything. The Dolphins had a perfect season. They have a great past and legacy. Even if they weren't winning a ton of championships, they were always competitive. However, eventually Dan Marino retired, leaving a struggling Dolphins organization that has yet to recover, though they show some young promise. Likewise, Mr. Perfect (real name Curt Henning) passed away, leaving his son to carry on his tradition. I have no idea why he doesn't wrestle under his own name and adopted McGillicutty, but much like the Dolphins he is struggling to find his identity and place in the business.

- Buffalo Bills: Santino Marella. The Bills had a great run at one point. 4 straight AFC championships, which is like winning the Intercontinental Title belt. Santino has had some success also, winning the IC Title a few times, as well as the Tag Team title. However, in reality, they are laughingstocks. Not in a mean way. We feel bad for them and wish that they found their old success, but we can't help but smile at their zany antics. Speak with a funny Italian accent and mime playing a trombone when you win? Wonderful. Passing on Brian Orakpo, Clay Matthews and Michael Oher to take Aaron Maybin in the draft, and refusing to spend high picks on an offensive line? Hilarious. We hope that they can turn the corner. We sincerely do. But till then, we have to keep chuckling at their misfortune.